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Don't Call it a Mocktail

Indulge me, as the thoughts conveyed in this post rank only slightly more important in the grand scheme of things than debating which Kardashian sister is best. (It’s Khloe.)

I love a great cocktail. But there’s nothing I dislike more than the idea of a “mocktail”.

A cocktail is an expression of creativity. Of originality. Of precision. A great cocktail is a bold, complex, perfectly balanced work of liquid culinary art, inviting your lips to an impossibly beautiful glass.

A mocktail is a sweet, pink imposter, sitting in a hurricane glass with whipped cream and sparklers.

A cocktail is Sean Connery. A mocktail is Timothy Dalton. (Prove me wrong)
A cocktail is Mayonnaise. A mocktail is Miracle Whip. 
A cocktail is Gene Wilder. A mocktail is Johnny Depp.

Sure, sure, we’re all trying to cut back on alcohol these days. Which is great. But ordering from the “mocktails” section of a menu is like having to buy your pants in the Big & Tall section*. You don’t want to be there. 

So yes, mocktails are “less than”. They’re trying to be something they’re not. They’re all pomp and circumstance with no real substance. And when I say “substance”, I don’t mean alcohol.

Cocktails made without alcohol can – and should be – every bit as delicious, complex and exciting as a cocktail with alcohol.

So next time you want a cocktail, just without the alcohol, earn some points with the bartender by asking for a Free Spirited cocktail Or even just an NA cocktail. You’ll respect yourself in the morning.

*Written from years of experience in the Big & Tall section.

Milan’s Top 3 Favorite Free Spirited Cocktails:

  1. The Tea Clipper with The Spirit of Gin
  2. Tangerine Thyme with The Spirit of Tequila
  3. The Kentucky (Sucker) Punch with The Spirit of Bourbon
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