Indulge me, as the thoughts conveyed in this post rank only slightly more important in the grand scheme of things than debating which Kardashian sister is best. (It’s Khloe.)
I love a great cocktail. But there’s nothing I dislike more than the idea of a “mocktail”.
A cocktail is an expression of creativity. Of originality. Of precision. A great cocktail is a bold, complex, perfectly balanced work of liquid culinary art, inviting your lips to an impossibly beautiful glass.
A mocktail is a sweet, pink imposter, sitting in a hurricane glass with whipped cream and sparklers.
A cocktail is Sean Connery. A mocktail is Timothy Dalton. (Prove me wrong)
A cocktail is Mayonnaise. A mocktail is Miracle Whip.
A cocktail is Gene Wilder. A mocktail is Johnny Depp.
Sure, sure, we’re all trying to cut back on alcohol these days. Which is great. But ordering from the “mocktails” section of a menu is like having to buy your pants in the Big & Tall section*. You don’t want to be there.
So yes, mocktails are “less than”. They’re trying to be something they’re not. They’re all pomp and circumstance with no real substance. And when I say “substance”, I don’t mean alcohol.
Cocktails made without alcohol can – and should be – every bit as delicious, complex and exciting as a cocktail with alcohol.
So next time you want a cocktail, just without the alcohol, earn some points with the bartender by asking for a Free Spirited cocktail Or even just an NA cocktail. You’ll respect yourself in the morning.
*Written from years of experience in the Big & Tall section.